Independence

I’m an American living in London.

I’ve lived in London for 5 years now. In that time I’ve; attended a masters program, married a charming Irish man, found random and numerous work opportunities including becoming a yoga teacher, made countless friends and friendships memories, and I can’t even remember what the correct spelling of grey (gray?) is anymore. That being said, I am still and will always be American.

I was unable to celebrate Independence Day this year for the first time in my life and it got me thinking about what ‘Independence’ really is. I always used to think independence was about putting up a strong front – dealing with my problems on my own, not letting people in. When I first moved to London, I wasn’t able to pay my rent in that first month and cried to my parents on the phone thinking I had failed. I hated admitting defeat, appearing weak, asking for help. Looking back, I feel that placing myself in that vulnerable position was necessary in order for me to grow into an independent adult.

If you look at yoga philosophy, the end goal, and your reason for practicing, is enlightenment, or on a more basic level, the independence of our minds from the constant chatter (vritti) we experience every moment. In our modern life, the real oppressor we face is most likely our own mind. How we stop ourselves from achieving because of a voice that is negative or which comes from a place of shame. Independence is letting go, surrendering, to gain liberation and inner strength. Yoga gives you the ability to find strength in positions that you first felt weak in physically and mentally. I was in a class today, and for every pose the teacher demonstrated a woman behind me firmly declared ‘I can’t do that, I will never be able to do that.’ I felt for the teacher, his job was over before it could really begin, had she been able to let go and surrender to the postures, I’m sure she would have surprised herself and felt freer afterwards.

So for this Independence Day, I’m celebrating my ability to be vulnerable. My willingness to surrender in situations I can’t control. My need to try new things and put myself on the line. I like to think the freedom I feel from my yoga practice is my equivalent to wearing a flag t-shirt, eating some apple pie, and singing the national anthem.